I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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