I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Randomize
