i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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