I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
