just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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