i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
