No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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