im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
