alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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