If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
why do cheetos always look like penises
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
