he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
