Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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