oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
