I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
