if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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