He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
