Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
