You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
