I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
pop tarts are not kleenex
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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