he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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