Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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