Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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