Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
