How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Randomize
