I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
