O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
