There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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