i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
