Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
