So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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