just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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