I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
