you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sober January is a disaster.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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