So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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