woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
