Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
