based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
