I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
