Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Randomize
