I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
