We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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