you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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