Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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