i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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