It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sober January is a disaster.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
