I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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