I can tuck mytits in my pants
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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