I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
