If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
