He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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