Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
