I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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